You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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