My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
