Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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