I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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