the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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