Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
