i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
