the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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