i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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