Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
