I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
