Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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