Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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