The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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