We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
