So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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