I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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