first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
