Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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