what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
