apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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