my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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