i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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