Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
