Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
