i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
