Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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