my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
