i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
