DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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