I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
