Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
