I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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