I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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