This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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