Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
