she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize