the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
