So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We need to get me chipped asap
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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