It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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