i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
