If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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