I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
