Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
