u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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