she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
