oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
