I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
COCAINE IS GR8
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize