Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we made out on top of his cat.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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