If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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