I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
did i walk over a car last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
