Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
