Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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