Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
