I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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