Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
