I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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