you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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