I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You are the jesus of drinking
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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