I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
