You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
