How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
