Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
