where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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