dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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