So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
