Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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