Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
