I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
