Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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