i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
