apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
