Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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