what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
