Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
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I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
how does that bad decision feel?
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