She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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