Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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